Hello friends and family.

 The last two weeks have taken me on a roller coaster of emotions. Since writing my last blog I have been very confused as to the direction the Lord was leading me. The things that I wished to do had fallen though and I was very discouraged and I was seriously contemplating weather this was where the Lord wanted me, or if I would be better off back home in the States where I could get a job and prepare for college. But then something would happen and I would feel a little more optimistic about what the Lord had for me here as a new internship possibility opened up about working at a clinic, which is just what I was looking for and was better than the first door that the Lord closed on me. Only a day later I discovered that the spot at the clinic had just been taken the day before. And I was back to my thoughts on going home. So the ride continues and after a few days I meet with lady who prayed with me and really encouraged me to stick it out and told me of another clinic in town where she thought I might me able to volunteer. And so I was going to give it another try when I found out that I girl from the other FYM team here in Swaziland who was also interested in the same stuff as I am had just gotten a call from the very same clinic and was going to be working there. Once again I plummeted from the rising hopes of finding an internship that is in some way connected to the medical field where I wish so badly to serve. This now brings me up to only the last few days were again things are beginning to formulate again there is a Hospice in town where I might be able to help out at, and only yesterday at a new Church that we have been going to did I meet a missionary couple who run a huge traveling clinic out in the rural areas of Swaziland. They said that they would love for me to come along with them and their team and I got their numbers so that we could talk more about it. This could be such an amazing opportunity! But I feel my anticipation rising. Could I handle it if this falls though?

I am trying to be brave and stick it out but after being here only two and a half weeks and having my plans and hopes dashed so many times I truthfully am about ready to quit. Yet God has called me here to Swaziland. This whole past year has been a picture of how God has provided for me and brought me to this place, but I don't understand where He has gone just now. I can't see Him very clearly. Why has it seemed as if God has stopped providing for me in the middle of my trip? I am so confused. Is He trying to teach me patient endurance; will I have to do what I do not enjoy doing. Have I stopped relying on Him the way I ought to; is He trying to bring me back to a place of total reliance on Him. Or is my time in Africa up, has the purpose of this trip already been accomplished. Do I need to go home to prepare for college and get a job or is it just my "flesh" that desires to take the easy road out and go home? I have so many questions and no answers.

Please pray that my roller coaster ride stops here, and that these new opportunities would not fall through. Pray that the missionaries I meet will take me on and that I would me useful to them in their work and be a blessing to them. And pray that I would continue to dig in deep in search of all that God has for me, and grow in His knowledge and understanding.